This guy named Tim comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.

Tim thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor’s house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks Tim, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?”

Tim stumbles around and says, “Ummm.. no.. no.. um.. what happened?”

The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!”

Some clippings of stupid headlines in newspapers…

Some other funny headlines…

1. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

2. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

3. Something Went Wrong in Plane Crash, Expert Says

4. Eye Drops off Shelf

5. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

6. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

7. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

8. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

9. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

10. Include your Children when Baking Cookies

This girl wants one in this commercial

A young man named David from Ohio moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for employment.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” David says “Yeah. I was a salesman back in Ohio.”

Well, the boss liked David and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?”

David says “One”.

The boss says “Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”

David says “$121,455.20?.

The boss says “$121,455.20? What the heck did you sell?”

David says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?”

David said “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend is shot, you should go fishing.’ “

This girl says she knows you…

Her country knowledge is better than 95% of adults…

Caution Poster…

Allen works real hard at the factory and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, ‘Hey, Allen! How ya doing?’

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

‘Oh no,’ says Allen. ‘He’s on my bowling team.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Allen if he’d like his usual and brings over a Corona.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, ‘How did she know that you drink Corona?’

‘I recognize her; she’s the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Corona at the end of the 1st nine, baby.’

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Allen, starts to rub herself all over him and says, ‘Hi Ally. Want your usual table dance, big boy?’

Allen’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Allen follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Allen tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cab driver turns around and says,

‘Damn, Allen, you picked up a real bitch this time.’