A man name Wilson went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good.

On his third visit the doctor told Wilson, “Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.”

“But doc,” protested Wilson, “if I do that, I’ll get pneumonia.”

“I know,” said the doctor, “I can cure pneumonia.”

They’ll give you a hand

JUST in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON……….you spend the majority of your time in a 10 X 10 cell.

AT WORK…………you spend the majority of your time in an 8 X 8 cubicle.

IN PRISON………you get 3 meals a day.

AT WORK………..you get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON……….you get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK…………you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON…….the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK………you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON……….you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK…………you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON………you get your own toilet.

AT WORK………..you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON……….they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK…………you aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON………all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.

AT WORK………..you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON……….you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.

AT WORK……… You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON ………you must deal with sadistic wardens.

AT WORK…………they are called managers.

Baseball Bat…

A little camel went to his mother and asked, “Mom, why do we camels have such big eyes?”
She looked on him lovingly and replied, “You see, my son, when we are walking in the dessert and the wind starts to blowing and there’s sand everywhere, we need these big eyes to keep an eye on one another so that we don’t get lost.”

“Oh!” he said. “And why do we have such huge feet?

“Well,” she said, “they allow us to walk easily in the dessert sands and help us avoid sinking into the dunes.”

“Wow,” he said, “great equipment. What the heck is this stuff on our backs for?”

“You see,” his mother informed, “we can walk for days, even weeks without food or water, so we use it to store fat during those times. But why do you ask me all these obvious questions?”

“Well, mom,” said the young camel, “I was just wondering, if we’ve got all of this great stuff, what are we doing in the zoo?”

From Saturday Night Live