Dec 31
This blonde named Tara Lewis walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to her that they don’t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, Tara assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”
“But I always get it here,” says Tara.
“Do you have the container it comes in?”
“Yes!” says Tara, “I will go and get it.”
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
Then Tara annoyed , snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: “To apply, push up bottom.”
Dec 30
Three kids named Joey, Tim, and Billy Bob come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks Joey what he’d like to eat. “I’ll have some f$#kin’ French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks Billy Bob what he wants. “Well, I guess that leaves more f%$kin’ French toast for me,” he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks Tim what he wants for breakfast. “I don’t know,” he says meekly, “but I definitely don’t want the f*&kin’ French toast.”
Dec 29
James Harris is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: “James, sell your business.” He ignores it. It goes on for days. “James, sell your business for $3 million.” After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘James, go to Las Vegas.” He asks why. “James, take the $3 million to Las Vegas.” He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, “James , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand.” He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. “James, take a card.” What? The dealer has — “Take a card!” He tells the dealer to hit him. James gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. “James, take another card.” What? “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. “James, take another card,” the voice commands. I have twenty! James shouts. “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!” booms the voice. Hit me,James says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: “un-f$#king-believable!”
