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Archive | January, 2009
Rejected Hallmark Greeting Cards
1) So your daughter’s a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
She’s a really good lay!
2) My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I loooked at the tire,
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
3) You had your bladder removed,
and you’re on the mends.
Here’s a bouquet of flowers
And a box of Depends.
4) You’ve announced that you’re gay,
Won’t that be a laugh,
When they find out you’re one
Of the Joint Chiefs of Staff!
5) Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
‘Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy!
6) Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be,
But don’t fret about it,
She moved in with me!
7) You totaled your car
And can’t remember why.
Could it have been
that case of Bud Dry?
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Andy’s Grandmother
Andy Scott goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his Roy with him.
While he’s talking to his grandmother, Roy starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finished them off.
As they’re leaving, Roy says to Andy’s grandmother, “Thanks for the peanuts.”
She says, “Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off them.”
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