Punk Zombie

Jackie Summers was a prostitute but she didn’t want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and Jackie was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes lined up along the driveway when, suddenly, Jackie’s grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, “Why are you standing in line here, dear?”

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Jackie told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

“Why, that’s awfully nice of them. I think I’ll get some for myself,” and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, “Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?”

“I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry…”

The policeman fainted.

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Carry Sue went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Carry Sue told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear, ” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “And if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”