May 17
Photo showing security camera video taping the bathroom…
Archive for the 'Punk Zombie' Category
Apr 28
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM…
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
“Clyde,
Betty Jo, Billy Bob, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ‘em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Dale”
Mar 25
Maria & Jason Harris are staying in a nice hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.
However, as soon as they settled down, Jason leans over and whispers softly, “Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn’t quite ready for bye-byes yet.”
Maria takes the hint and says, “OK, but I have to use the bathroom first.” So, off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
Jason jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone “Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?”
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, Maria goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Jason looks over and grunts “Clumsy bitch.”
Feb 25
Lisa Costello is in bed with Ron her lover, who also happens to be her husband’s best friend.
They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they’re just lying there, the phone rings.
Since it’s Lisa’s house, she picks up the phone. Ron listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so glad that you called… Really? That’s wonderful…. Well, I’m happy to hear you’re having such a great time… Oh, that sounds terrific… Thanks. Okay. Ba-bye.”
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?”
“Oh” she replies, “That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”