Paul and the Pearly Gates

Paul Carter home from a business convention very drunk one night. He slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and immediately fell into a deep, deep slumber. After a while he awoke in front of the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said: “I’m sorry to have to tell you this Paul, but you died in your sleep.”

Paul was devastated, and begged for a second chance, pleading that he had a young wife and baby and couldn’t bear to be parted from them. St Peter looked sympathetic but shook his head: “It can’t be done Paul. The only opening I’ve got in the next 100 years near your family is as a chicken on the local farm.”

Paul readily agreed to this and the next thing he knew, he was in a yard, covered in feathers and clucking as he pecked the ground. Suddenly he had a strange feeling inside him and he called out to the nearest chicken to him: “What’s happening? It feels like I’m going to explode!”

“Don’t worry dear, you’re only ovulating,” said the other chicken. “Haven’t you laid an egg before?”

Paul replied that he hadn’t.

“Well just relax and let it happen,” said the other chicken. “It really is no big deal.”

Paul relaxed, and a few rather uncomfortable seconds later out popped a beautiful new egg. Paul was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood and within seconds his second egg slid out, much more smoothly than the first.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout: “Dammit Paul, wake up. You’re shitting in the bed!”