Tag: wife

Mortician & Rick

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Rick, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Rick had the longest private part he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry Mr. Rick,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.”

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase.

“Oh, my God!” she screamed, “Rick is dead!”

Punk Zombie won the Lottery

Punk Zombie speeds home, slapping on his brakes in the driveway, jumps out of the car and yells to his wife.

“Baby, pack your bags, I just won the Lottery!!”

His wife jumps up and says… “what should I pack, where are we going? Italy? Spain??

Punk Zombie replies…

“I don’t give a shit where you go… just get the fuck out.”

Zombie Mike

Almost silently, so as not to scare the people with the delicious brains, Zombie Mike says: “I thinkz I’m gonna divorce my wife, shez hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”

Zombie Bob continues slowly sipping his vodka & blood drink then thoughtfully says:

“You better think it over, Mike. Wives like that, hard to find.”