Jokez Archives - Page 9 of 11

Jack Zombie goes into a pharmacy

Jack Zombie goes into a pharmacy to to buy some condoms cause he don’t want no Zombie Babies

“What size?” Asks the clerk. “I don’t know” he replies. The clerk says “Go and see Blair in aisle 4″

He goes over to see Blair, who grabs him in the crotch and yells “Medium!”

Jack Zombie is mortified. He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.

Adam Zombie comes in to buy condoms and gets sent to Blair. She grabs him and yells “Large!”. Adam Zombie struts over to the register, pays and leaves.

A high school Zombie comes in to buy condoms.

“What size?”. The kid Zombie embarrassedly says “I’ve never done this before I don’t know what size”. He gets sent to Blair she grabs him and yells ……

“Clean up needed in aisle 4!”

Category: Jokez

Tags: condoms, jokes, pharmacy

State-of-the-art Watch

Very confident and smooth Adam Zombie walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive Jade Zombie.

Adam Zombie gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

Jade Zombie notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”

Jade Zombie was intrigued & says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

Adam Zombie explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

Jade Zombie says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties”

Jade Zombie giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

Adam Zombie, taps his watch and says,

“Fuking thing’s an hour fast..”

Category: Jokez

Tags: jokes

Blonde Zombies

Blind Zombie is sitting at a bar when he loudly says “Zombies listen, I know the funniest Blonde Joke you’ll ever hear”.

The Barman leans over and says “You sure you wanna tell that joke Blind Zombie? Before you do, you’d better understand that I’m Blonde; the big Zombie sitting next to you is blonde; and that huge, angry Zombie standing by the door, that’s my bouncer and he’s blonde too”.

“Oh okay, I’ll save it for another time” says Blind Zombie, “I don’t wanna have to explain it five times”

Category: Jokez

Tags: blind, Blonde Zombies, jokes

Thee Ohio People

The only cow in a very small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people of the town did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Canton, Ohio for $300. They bought the cow from Ohio and the cow was awesome. The cow produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows so they would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side.”

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked,

“Did you buy this cow in Ohio?”

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.

“You are truly a wise Vet,” they said.

“How did you know we got the cow in Ohio?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,

“My wife is from Ohio.”

Category: Jokez

Tags: cow, jokes, Ohio

Zombies hate public toilets

Zombies hate public toilets, so when zombies absolutely have to use them to poo zombies always try and go to the furthest trap from the door.

You know what Punk Zombie mean? you go through the door and head as far down as possible, right to the end.

Now the other day at the mall, Punk Zombie really had to go! Punk Zombie was touching cloth, barely able to keep it in, so Punk Zombie got into the toilets, and even though it was basically empty Punk Zombie still headed right to the far end to get “out of the way” kinda thing.

Punk Zombie was just getting started and some other Zombie walks in and even though it was empty he ends sitting in the toilet right next to Punk Zombie while Punk Zombie trying to go!

Then all of a sudden other zombie starts talking to Punk Zombie!

“Hey zombie bro how’s it going?”

So Punk Zombie said “I’m good thanks”

Then he asks…

“Weather has been crap hasn’t it?”

So Punk Zombie said “yeah it has”

Then he asks me..

“So how’s ya dad?”

Punk Zombie thought, how the fuck do you know my dad?

And Punk Zombie replied, “he’s good, been busy working”

Next Punk Zombie see this zombie head appear over the top of the cubicle and the zombie yells at Punk Zombie.

“Do you mind I’m on the fucking phone!”

Category: Jokez

Tags: jokes, zombie hates